so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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