Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
