i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
