I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
