Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
