do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
