I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize