i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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