Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
