its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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