I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
