and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
