My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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