woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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