when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
