I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
