The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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