I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
