OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
