Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
