The maid of honor just puked.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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