i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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