That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You are a genius and a whore.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
