FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
