It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
