Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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