just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize