hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
