I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
