we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
