at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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