wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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