I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
