i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
