i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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