wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
