We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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