We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We got so high we made milksteak
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
