This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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