I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
