Midget sex pt 2 tonight
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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