Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
