just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
