good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
