butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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