it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
