I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
