Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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