would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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