the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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