i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
