No more Irish car bombs ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
