i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
