just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
