You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
