This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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