called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
