i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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