how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
