hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
