I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
