You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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