The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
