threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
