Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
