there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
