there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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